Journals from the Heart
by x3chevelle
Summary: Hermione gave me this journal. . She said it would help me stay focused and would give me something I could turn to when I need it. I guess it makes sense, I'm just kind of iffy on using a diary again. We all know what happened last time...
1. Chapter 1

July 12th

Hermione gave me this journal. . She said it would help me stay focused and would give me something I could turn to when I need it. I guess it makes sense, I'm just kind of iffy on using a diary again. We all know what happened last time... Nothing that exciting has been going on here, Hermione and I degnomed the garden earlier today. Harry will be coming to stay in a couple of weeks if not sooner! I do miss him terribly and I would much rather wish him happy birthday in person instead of by owl.

July 16th

I just found out Harry will be arriving tomorrow! I can't wait until he gets here! It feels like forever since I last saw him. I hope hes okay, especially since the mishap at the ministry. I don't even want to think about that,...

Ugh! Ron and Hermione got into an argument today. We were playing quidditch, Fred and George were playing against Ron and me, anyway, Ron accused Fred of playing unfairly. Hermione was sitting on the bench reading Hogwarts, A History which happens to be her favorite book.

"Bloody hell Fred! That was basically CHEATING as far as I'm concerned!" Ron yelled as Fred flew closer to Ron.

"Just because YOU weren't paying attention doesn't mean I cheated!" Fred replied, his anger building up. I stopped flying and walked sat on the ground, Ron seemed to be jumping down everyone's throats for no reason lately.

They continued yelling, and Hermione entered the clearing carrying her book.

I got up and walked over to where Ron now stood yelling furiously at the equally angered twins, in case they jumped at her.

"Will you three please stop arguing?" she asked seeing if there was a simple way to stop this. Ron snorted.

"Not a chance Hermione!" Ron said,"Fred cheated!"

"No I bloody didn't!" Fred replied angrily. They continued to argue as her anger started to build up. This didn't seem likely to end soon.

"It's just a game! Quidditch is JUST a game! Can't you guys just let it go and continue playing instead of yelling about everything?" she exclaimed.

"Oh SHOVE it, Hermione! You don't understand quidditch and you never will, obviously!" shouted a red faced Rom Weasley.

"I understand enough of it to know its JUST A GAME!" she shouted back and stormed off before he could reply.

I followed her, quidditch wasn't fun with Ron being such a prat. Oh well, its dinner time, I'll try and write later.

July 17th

I don't think I could be any happier than I was today when Harry walked into the house! We were all eating lunch when Dumbledore brought him. I was beginning to wonder if Dumbledore forgot! Oh my, I don't know how upset I would be if he did.

When he entered the room Hermione ran to him and jumped up giving him a big hug.

"Oh, Harry! I've missed you so much!" she said to him first chance I got. He smiled and pulled her into another long hug.

"I've missed you too, Hermione, how have you been?"

"I've been good, well at least now anyway. Everything has been relatively good except Ron and I aren't speaking,..."

Harry smiled knowingly, he was used to their constant fighting. They walked back into kitchen where I sat with everyone eating lunch. As soon as he walked in I stood up and ran to him. I gave him the longest hug I have ever given anyone. We pulled apart, my heart hammering in my chest and everyone else took turns giving him a big hug. After Harry ate he went upstairs with Ron while Hermione and I stayed downstairs and helpedMum clean up. That was the highlight of my day so far, though but I'm sure I'll write before I go to bed.

Later

Harry helped Ron and Hermione start talking again. He threatened not to speak to them iftheydidn't talk to each other. I joined them in Ron's room.

"How is your summer so far, Harry?" I asked, sitting next to him on his bed.

"Well, it could have been a lot better actually." he replied,"I just wish I wasn't so stupid,..."

That was the first time the sadness he had masked and hidden showed on his face. I knew we would end up at this subject soon enough, The department of mysteries.

"Don't go blaming yourself, mate. Its what any decent person would have done," Ron said comforting Harry.

"But none of it would have happened If I just praticed occulemency like I was supposed to!" Harry answered, his eyes filling with pain and anger so strong it almost made me start crying," I just wish I wasn't so stupid."

"Harry you need to stop blaming yourself for Sirius's death. It wasn't your fault, Harry. No matter how much you think it was, I'm telling you it wasn't. You're sitting here blaming yourself and barely eating because of it! Thats not going to change anything, your weighing yourself down! Sirius wouldn't have wanted you to do that. And I'm sure he doesn't think it was your fault either, Harry." Hermione told him truthfully.

"If I had just listened to you, none of this would have happened and for all I know I could be at Grimmauld Place playing wizards chess with him."

"Harry, you just acted on what you saw. You saw the snake attackmy Dadand it turned out to be completely accurate! After that, how would you have known the one you had with Sirius in the Department of Mysteries was fake?" I said. Harry sighed and leaned back against the wall. After a long silence I asked him, " Have you ever considered getting a journal?"

At this he looked up shocked I would ask him about using a journal. Hermione smiled and Ron snorted and tried not to laugh, though ended up failing miserably.

"A journal..."Harry spoke slowly.

"Yes, a journal. I have one, thanks to Hermione, and I use it frequently. I was scared to start using one since the chamber of secrets but, Harry, it feels really good to write everything down, you know, get it off your chest," I said smiling. After a minute I added, "Its a lot better than keeping everything bottled up and then raging when your full of emotion."

Harry seemed to consider it a moment and then said,"Only one problem then, Gin, if anyone read it, death eaters for example, they would know a lot about me. You know, weaknesses, and secrets and such,..."

Hermione smiled and we both started laughing as she said,"Oh, Harry! You would put a concealment charm on it! I can teach you a bunch! I can't believe you thought I would just hide my journal! No, if someone finds my journal it appears blank so only I can see it, or someone I want to see it."

At that, Ron's smile vanished and was quickly replaced with a look of defeat. Clearly he wanted to read Hermione's journal. I smiled in spite of myself. There was definitely something going on with those two.

"Erm, well I suppose it couldn't hurt,..." answered Harry.

"How about you Ron? Maybe if you use a journal too you can control your emotions better. Then you won't be biting my head off every two minutes," Hermione asked confidently.

"No thanks, Hermione. I don't think I'm girly enough for one."

Ron can be such a prat! Who ever said only girls can write in a journal? Look at Harry, he's going to give it a shot. Anyway, I'm sure Hermione'll try to convince him to use one, I think I'll buy Harry a very nice one when we go to Diagon Alley for school books.  
Well thats about it, Hermione's fast asleep and I should be too.

July 18th

It's really early, so early in fact the sun has yet to rise. I had a scary dream. Well, okay, it wasn't that bad, but it shook me for some reason.  
I think what scared me the most was that it made absolutely no sense! Okay I know that sounds crazy. How can a dream that makes absolutely no sense be so frightening? The worst part is I don't remember enough of it to piece it together and analyze it. I remember a dark grey chair. The back panels were missing and it had quite a few marks and chips in it. The room it was in was dreadfully dark with no windows and a steel door. The only other thing I remember is I was outside under a gigantic willow with Harry and something happened... I don't know what but all I remember is screaming.  
I'm so confused. It was probably nothing, yet it still was scary. Oh I don't know. I better stop for now, I see Hermione beginning to stir, my wand is too bright sometimes!

July 20th

Not that much as been going on here. Book lists arrived, finally! We're all more excited for term now. We're set to go to Diagon Alley in a few days, I think I will get Harry that gorgeous green journal I saw a bit ago. I do hope its still there. That'd be nice and at least he'll have something to write in that way. I think it might help him deal with Sirius's death.  
Its really not his fault, but he still blames himself. On the bright side, he does seem a bit happier. It might be because hes finally back in one of the places he feels most at home, but either way something is making him feel better. I'm so glad of that. I hate seeing him hurting. The pain in his eyes just breaks my heart. Like when he arrived, I could feel his smile was genuine, but he had so much hurt hidden in his eyes I'm surprised he could smile.  
I don't know why but Harry's smile does something to me.

July 24th

We went to Diagon Alley yesterday. We had to wait for aurors to come with us since Voldemort's back and its known. Its really quite scary how things have changed, I don't really know what it is but its like the entire world is so much gloomier. But when it seems to dark to bear, I just look to Harry and everything seems to brighten. I'm afraid of the way he makes me feel. He's my brother's best friend.. I can't like him more than that. I just can't. That would be too weird. That is if Ron ever let anything happen.  
Oh, I went completely off topic from where I was going.. Right, Diagon Alley. I bought the prettiest emerald green journal. It has a gorgeous silver clasp with an emerald in it. Its the color of Harry's eyes, yet not as hypnotizing. Ron got jealous because he didn't get anything.

"Why the bloody hell did you buy that for him?"

"I thought he might like something nice to write in, Ron." I told him,"and just because YOU think only girls can write in journals, doesn't mean EVERYONE is that closed minded!"

Ron suddenly seemed to burn with fury.

"You reckon I'm closed minded, do you?" his anger apparent.

"If you really think only GIRLS use them, then you are!" I spoke loudly, starting to get just as mad.

"That doesn't make me closed minded! I just think its girly! AND I ALSO THINK YOUR ---"

"I think your an insensitive prat that knows nothing!" I interrupted.

"What's going on?" said a voice from the door. I unclenched my fists and turned, startled. Harry met my eyes with another knowing look. Ron can be such a jerk sometimes!

"She called me a closed minded insensitive prat!" Ron shouted.

"Oh don't you dare!" I started, Harry gently placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Ron, you are being insensitive," Hermione added. He gave her a look of disbelief.

"Stop, your both just going to start yelling again," Harry said reasonably. My tense shoulders relaxed and Harry continued talking,"Its about the journal isn't it?"

"...yes," Ron mumbled, looking at the floor.

"Okay, I really don't get why you don't use one if your so jealous, mate." Harry told him lightly.

"Jealous? I bloody hell am not jealous, its just -"

"Ron, relax. We can all tell. You're getting fired up about nothing," Harry interrupted.

"Journals are too prissy for me," Ron said defiantly.

"UGH!" I said and walked out. Why does he insist on jumping down my throat over the stupidest things! I mean, seriously! Why doesn't that boy just grow up!

July 25th  
Harry came into my room last night. Hermione was fast asleep,so I'm guessing it was roughly between 12-2. I was writing in my journal, and sitting on my bed with my back against the wall when the door opened.

"Hey Gin," He whispered. He was carrying the journal I had bought him.

"Hey Harry, couldn't sleep?" I replied.

"Not really, I've been having weird dreams and they don't really make much sense to me... Anyway, I saw the light from under the door, so I decided to come see if it was you that was awake."

I smiled at him and motioned for him to sit down next to me. "Have you written in it at all?"

"Actually, yeah, I have. And you are right, it makes me feel better. I mean its not that I couldn't talk to you gyus... but it just seems like Ron is arguing with you guys all the time, and that theres really no need to worry you guys with how I'm feeling," he admitted.

That comment made my heart drop. I felt like I wasn't there enough for him because Ron and I are always yelling at each other. And if it wasn't Ron and I, it was Ron and Hermione.

"Oh, Harry. I'm so sorry. You're right, we have been fighting more than ever, and I don't know what's causing it. But I promise you, that no matter what, I'm here for you. Always." I said while secretly promising myselfto try and have a better temper when it came to Ron and his arrogant comments.

"Thanks, Ginny," he smiled and I returned the smile," could you teach me how to do concealment charms? I'd ask Hermione, but she's asleep and besides I'm sure you know how to do them, too."

"Of course, I'll teach you a couple. The easiest one makes the pages blank for everyone but you," I handed him my wand since his was in Ron's room. I put my hand on his and moved it the correct way for the spell," you move it clockwise like this and say disappario."

"Disappario," Harry murmured as he moved the wand. The words instantly vanished,"wow."

I beamed. Hermione shifted in her sleep and Harry glanced up, "I should probably go."

He slid off the bed and leaned over and gave me a big hug. It made me feel,...amazing. I can't explain it. He just makes me feel so perfect.  
This can't be happening though, I can't feel this way about Harry, can I? I know I used to like him a while ago, but then I got over him,.. but maybe I didn't if I like him now. Wait, no. I can't like him!


	2. Chapter 2

_July 25th_

_I know, this is only my second entry, but Ginny was right. This does help me feel better. I know this might sound crazy, but Ginny could have told me something like, "Oh Harry, the death eaters will all be defeated if you run and give Lord Voldemort a hug!" and I'd probably do it. Okay, maybe not something that stupid, but I'd do anything for her. I don't even think she realizes it. She doesn't know how I feel about her, nor does Ron. Well actually, **I don't even know** how I feel about her. And if I did, how could I tell any of them? Maybe I could tell Hermione, but I'm really not sure.  
I guess thats one of the reasons I'm grateful for this journal, not only because Ginny got it for me, but because I can't tell them this. How would they react? Ginny probably doesn't even like me more than a friend or possibly even as abrother since I'm her brother's best friend. We've been through a lot together.  
If only Sirius was here. I'd be able to talk to him about it. I know that everyone thinks its not my fault, but how isn't it? If I practiced occulemency like I was supposed to instead of just being stubborn, he'd be alive. The dream seemed so real its impossible to think I wouldn't have acted on it after I had it. I mean the dream with Mr. Weasley and the snake was true, how likely was it that the one of the ministry wasn't? I wish I wasn't so stupid. If I wasn't so stubborn he'd be alive. I miss him so much._

July 30th

Harry's birthday is tomorrow! I got him the nicest quill so he has a special one for writing in his journal, a box of Bertie Bott's, and also a defense against the dark arts book on curses and jinxes. I hope he likes them. I've been too busy to write lately, but nothing of immense importance has happened. I've been having that dream a lot these past weeks. I can't figure out why or what its about. I'm not even sure if I should tell someone, would Harry think I'm crazy? It doesn't make sense ... I think if I get it again I'll tell him, maybe he can help me understand it. Maybe I'll even tell Hermione, but I think she'd get all concerned over it, even if its nothing.  
I've been keeping my temper with Ron. He, of course, has been yelling at me about everything but I've kept my mouth shut and when I feel like I'm going to burst with anger, I look at Harry who gives me one of the brightest smiles and all my anger just ebbs away.

July 31st

I think Harry loved his gift. He was sitting in the kitchen at the table eating his breakfast when I walked over and sat next to him.

"Happy birthday!" I said giving him a big hug. He smiled and I felt my heart miss a few beats," I, uh, have something for you."

I handed him the wrapped gifts I had in my hands.

"Wow, thanks, Ginny," he said, taking them from me," you know you didn't have to."

"Oh, I know. But I wanted to. Besides your sixteen, you become of age next year, so its KIND OF an important birthday," I said grinning. He opened them carefully, his smile growing wider with each one.

"This quill is beautiful," he spoke as he examined the quill before opening the last of the presents,"and this book is absolutely fantastic! Thank you so much, Gin!"

"Hermione gave me the ideas," I said.

He got up and pulled me to my feet, giving me the biggest hug he could muster.

"I don't even know what to say," he said as we pulled apart," I love it, all of it."

He leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. I swear time seemed to freeze. We both spent a few, seemingly long, minutes staring at each other. It was the most wonderful moment of my life.

"Harry? I've been calling you, mate," said Ron as he entered the kitchen with Hermione, oblivious to the way things were only seconds before, "want to go play quidditch? Fred and George are already outside."

Harry looked like he couldn't find any words,"Uh,.. yeah. Sure, just let me get my broom."

Ron left and Harry followed, looking back at me before disappearing from my line of vision. I smiled and looked at Hermione.

"Hm, I'd say Ginny has a crushhhh!" she said laughing. I felt my face turn red.

"Not true, and you know it!"

--- well I'm done for today, my wrist is killing.

_July 31st_

_I kissed her. Okay, it was a small peck on the cheek but I still kissed her._

_She gave me the most amazing book and quill for my birthday. I was so shocked and thankful I wasn't really sure what to do. I looked at her and was floored by how pretty she is. I just,.. kissed her. It could have been the most awkward moment I could possibly experience, but it was anything but that. We just looked at each other and everything seemed to be perfect. I'm probably just giving myself high hopes.. She doesn't like me like that. We're nothing more than friends. Besides, even if she did, I couldn't go out with her... she's my best friends sister.  
I wonder what would have happened if Ron and Hermione didn't come barging into the kitchen. I guess I'll never know._

August 5th

Things have been so hectic! We've been cleaning like crazy and making sure we have everything we need for school. I realized I was missing two books but fortunately, they were books I could borrow from Hermione. So we didn't have to make an additional trop to Diagon Alley, Mum was quite relieved. She said she didn't want to endanger her children in anyway. Its actually quite weird how You-Know-Who's return changed how everyone does things. I'm not going to be able to write for a couple days. Lupin and Tonks will be here any minute, they need to discuss something with the Order. So we're all being kept busy so we don't interfere or overhear.


End file.
